A New Page Full of Possibilities

I find myself nearly a month from the start of this year 2008 with abject indifference and marooned in a bank of procrastination. I seem to have little motivation even though I feel a burning desire to arrive somewhere with my myriad machinations and schemes; my ever-growing plethora of stillborn ideas.

I have come to know the greatest feeling I will ever feel and that is being a father. I hold my infant daughter in my arms and feel overwhelmed. I have no words to apply to this new barrage of feelings, this literal storm of emotions that has ravaged my twisted little coal-of-a-heart. Those beautiful little baby eyes looking straight at me ha wrought what no other person or thing ever could in my measly twenty seven years of questionable life. I belong to this child. Freedom be damned, I belong to my baby girl!

I need to get my act together, so to speak, and finally produce something of worth for the sake of actually achieving something in this life beyond shooting my mouth off and criticizing the works of those who’ve actually contributed something to the collective consciousness of the world.

I have left what was once my partial brainchild, my musical endeavor of nearly 8 years, in order to internalize my growth. I feel spiritually impoverished and artistically unfulfilled. For the sake of truth, I feel I have long outgrown my former band mates (that’s not to say I am more mature) in my artistic views and we have diverged for long time now. It was only fitting that I make the call and leave them to grow in the fashion they see fit rather than wrestle them at every turn on what must be dawn and be used as some sort of scapegoat for the collective failure that may or may not be at hand. Perhaps I shall get to see the band grow from a distance, such as a flower from a seed I once planted but eventually neglected to water, effectively becoming its own being – in an egregorial sense – and taking ideas that I inseminated it with beyond anything I may have ever conceived in my addled mind.

I seek to become a renaissance man. The elusive ideal of the multifaceted artiste, proficient and passionate in various fields of human expression and forever immortalized in the minds of the people… A daunting task, perhaps, but what I truly seek is to feel self-fulfilled.

I will collect here the lyrics which I had produced for my former band; I have since decided not to let them use them. It is obviously selfish of me, but I do not wish another to sing my songs that I have not chosen. I couldn’t bare the thought of another being ignorantly credited with the words I have crafted, whether they are of any quality or not. Much like the egregore known as the Hexacorn or Six-Horn, which my dear friend Allen, former keyboardist of the same band, and I crafted into the bands psyche, all intellectual concepts in the band had their birth within my head. I cannot, in good faith, take all from them as that would be effectively butchering the band, but I can, however, take the words that would have been.

If I put the time and manage to come through, The Veil will be released for all to see… or all those willing to see, at the least.