Christmas Eve 2008. My daughter's a year and 8 days old. My marriage is nearly 3 years old. Life is very different than anything I would have envisioned 5 years ago and yet, somehow, it's very much the same.

Other than the joy of the children and the look of amazement on their faces at the sight of gifts 'neath the xmas tree the date matters little to me in today's context. The end of the roman year does, however, bring the oft dreaded yet much necessary introspection and retrospection that can only be endured by those long-used to administering self-beatings.

Waste your life complaining and pretty soon you'll have done nothing at all and you find yourself standing at death's door. I'd like to think things get better on their own but they rarely - if ever - work that way. It's a shitty world, kids, because we humans make it so. I, for one, intend to break the cycle to the extent of my abilities.

Platitudes will get me nowhere, and more often than not they grate on me, but the fact is sometimes they can be quite inspiring. This year I am taking Odin's advice on living to hart. I'll post the things I think apply better to my world at a later time.

With me Mum doing nothing xmas eve (lunch on xmas day, though), the in-laws out of the country (what gall!) and the festive spirit depleted at my homestead - the kids long since sleeping - I feel like having a romp somewhere I'm loved warmly. The fact that I can't think of a single such place makes me wonder if things in my life have become so fucked that there isn't a single place I can go for spiritual and emotional succor. That and the fact that I don't much care about it, well, make me wonder even more. Change is coming somehow, at a personal and not-quite-so-personal level this year; it is an inevitability. The question I ask is: will I be strong enough to weather it and, furthermore, take charge? I better have the minerals, as they say.

Here's a viddy for your listening and viewing pleasure. Dwell upon it and fathom it's manifold meanings... or whatever.