Gnosis.

gno·sis (n s s)n.
Intuitive apprehension of spiritual truths, an esoteric form of knowledge sought by the Gnostics.

[Greek gn sis, knowledge, from gign skein, to know. See gn - in Indo-European Roots.]

Self-knowledge. How well do you know yourself? I believe we should always ponder this. Every day of our lives, without fail, we should attempt to decipher the enigma we are to ourselves. It would certainly make one’s life easier; honesty to one’s self.

How well do I know myself? Well, perhaps there’s no concise answer to this query. Though I’ve religiously spent countless hours questioning myself, my every action and all the possible motives behind these, I feel no closer to knowing myself than I did ten years ago.

It isn’t all wasted time, however. Far from it! I believe I have embraced certain truths about my character that may help me improve many aspects of my inner being. I will delve into these “truths” for the sake, not only of clarity, but that of sating my mind’s desire to see things set down in words. So what exactly do I think I know about myself?

Truth Number One: I am an idiot.

Yes, I am, indeed, an idiot. An idiot or any other word considered derogatory to my intellectual capabilities. By embracing this as a truth I believe I can successfully prevent myself from committing any particularly stupid actions. By accepting the fact that I am quite imbecilic, I guarantee that I will always have a part of me watching out for any possible chances wherein stupidity may be incurred. To those who might read this, this truth will serve as a warning of sorts. Be prepared, for I may do inane things for no apparent reason while in my head I’ll probably think they are genius. If you have the grave misfortune of knowing me personally, please point these things out. I may not have the presence of mind to know I am being a complete sod.

Truth Number Two: I am unnecessarily complicated.

I have a tendency to overextend myself. How so? It is a habit of mine to make things so much more elaborate than they need to be. Not only that, but I also take on many, many things simultaneously, thus ensuring mediocre performance in every single one of my endeavors.

Truth Number Three: I am generally indifferent to pretty much everything.

Perhaps I should say “outwardly indifferent”. It is not that I don’t care, but simply that I really don’t see the point in caring too much about anything (with a few special exceptions, of course). I wouldn’t consider myself to be a bad friend altogether, but I am a rather inconstant one at that. I tend to disappear from time to time. Sometimes for particularly extended periods only to reappear as if nothing’s happened later on.

Yes, I know this makes me come across as an asshole… which may be all too true. Well, I’ll cut this entry short and continue with my myriad “personal truths” at another time.

Adieu.