Incoherence Freki

Vex the kissing maiden
Broken hearts unfurl
Suture ripping open
Ships assailed by stormy winds
Aerie days of joyous banter
Lulling with the feeble skin
Flesh to flesh I shall devour
Broken hearts grow dull

Arson of my flagrant passion
Stabbing at the rightful heir
Of the love the maiden dares profess
The altar sullied by the offering
Blindly does the mare follow
Where the stallion reluctantly leads?
Lies to lies, the wine grows sour
Stabbing at the plightful heir

Grating on my sense of self
Smiling wily is the temptress
Aging in the moonlit night
Mead pours on the land of the faceless
Bloody mouths agape in lust
Farewells are whispered in the darkness
Eyes to eyes the would-be lovers
Smiling wrily is the temptress

Nightshifting it on the down-low

I've got a lovely evening of night shift ahead of me and the following are some of the many gems I'll be delighting my ears with for the duration of this long evening.

Yeah. Slow and nothing to fucking write about.


Simple Minds - Hypnotised

I can feel the whole world spinning around

I'm losing ground

I feel it every day

And I can feel you coming inside out

I'm losing touch with all reality

I remember the look in your eyes

The way that they pulled me inside

All I've got now in my defence is my innocence

I've been hypnotised



I can hear the church bells ringing out

Reminds me of some bright and sunshine day

When all the pretty horses you would ride

Would come right back to feel your energy



I still remember the look in your eyes

The way that they filled me inside

All I've got now in my defence

Is my innocence

I've been hypnotised



You know it won't be easy

It's never easy

I've been hypnotised

It won't be easy



If you've got a heart that burns inside

Let me get inside let me tangle with the flames

If you've got a light that burns inside

The heat will rise and melt down once again



I'm waiting for a sign, help me realign

Maybe it's a sin I know but it's not a crime

All I know, I've been hypnotised



Maybe there's a way I can find a way

Final hour Judgement day

All I know, I've been hypnotised



And then I realise

Katatonia - Clean Today

all the white lights falling

the blue lights are falling
night is warm
came down with a promise
I have my best shirt on
I lower myself now
it is a way to forget
of last year's failure

WILL THE STREETLIGHTS REFLECT ME WELL ENOUGH
AM I TRANSPARENT WHEN I AM CLEAN
WILL THE DARKNESS AROUND ME BE SO STRONG
THAT THERE IS NO WAY I CAN BE SEEN

boys will we become
heroes of this night
or am I just happy
whenever not sober
I cleaned myself well
clean today

and when I pause for a breath
I see millions like me

Katatonia - The Future of Speech


my prospects have become less promising
i find it hard to believe in anything
seems I lost my world and so I lost my faith
and I can't go back to where I've been

a brand new day
it can't get worse
hear myself say
it can't get worse

I have no lies or truth in what I say
there is no meaning
the words are numb and I am so afraid
there is no meaning

this is another chance or so I'm told
by these who can push themselves at any cost
they bless me with their fingers crossed
my youth is stolen, transformed and sold

Something should be ending...

That's what I feel.

Not that I'm contemplating suicide or anything like that but I feel like I'm somehow saying goodbye to things in general and I really don't know what to make of it. A lot of the things I've done out of impulse in the last couple of weeks have been spurred by this strange sensation that I don't have a lot of time... I don't feel like I'm dying, I guess, or that life is passing me by any more than usual, but it certainly feels, well, strange.

Something should be ending, and I don't mean my recently dead marriage or some other allegorical hubris. Something should be ending and I don't quite understand this.

In any case, since I'm such a shit writer these days I have been wallowing in self-indulgent contemplation and have picked a few lyrics from the songs I've been playing the most.

Plowed - Sponge

Will I wake up
Is it a dream I made up
No I guess its reality
What will change us
Or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect
With a dream

Say a prayer for me
Im buried by the sound
In a world of human
Wreckage
Im lost and Im found
And I cant touch the
Ground
Im plowed into the sound

To see wide open
With a head thats broken
Hang a life on a tragedy
Plow me under the ground
That covers the message
That is the seed



Promises Broken - Soul Asylum

Streets are filled with broken glass
You get buried by the past
Give me just a little taste
Lay this mess to waste
Take me home

My mind is racing take me home
My body's aching so alone
Ill make you want to stay with me
Befriended by the enemy
One more time

And every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken just promises broken now

Looking outside from my window sill
Throw another coin in the wishing well
Youll never find what youre looking for
Fifteen miles
Your dim light shines from so far away
Your sad smile
Is all I see when I say

That every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken just promises broken now

From the hotel satellite
Dont look like youre living right
Heres a deal you cant refuse
You aint got as much to lose

Can you tell your troubles to
Someone who wont laugh at you
Its all right
And as I watch you walk away
Hope a part of you would stay
Its all right

And every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken just promises broken now



Somebody to Shove - Soul Asylum

Grandfather watches the grandfather clock
And the phone hasnt rang for so long
And the time flies by like a vulture in the sky
Suddenly he breaks into song

Im waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone
Im waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone

Hello, speak up, is there somebody there?
These hang-ups are getting me down
In a world frozen over with over-exposure
Lets talk it over, lets go out and paint the town

Im waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone

Cause I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me

Youre a dream for insomniacs, prize in the cracker jacks
All the difference in the world is just a call away

And Im waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone
Yes Im waiting by the phone
Im waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone

Cause I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me
Yes I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me


Crowing - Toad the Wet Sprocket


Been waiting
To find
You couldve been happier
Given the time
If hed make up his mind
Youd give yourself to anybody
Who would cross that line

Chorus:
And it was never question
He was crowing for repair
Youd give him love and affection
But you couldnt keep him there

Get over regrets
While you were sleeping with the angels
He was under the bed
And the more skin
That you shed
The more that the air in your throat will linger
When you call him your friend

Chorus

Staring at a cold little hand
Reading fault lines
Of a shell of a man
You were waiting for a word from above
Wouldnt you know it
No answer ever did come

And it was never question
You were crowing for repair
Youd give him love and affection
But you couldnt keep him there


Livin' on my Own - Freddie Mercury

Sometimes I feel I'm gonna break down and cry
Nowhere to go, nothing to do with my time
I get lonely, so lonely, living on my own

Sometimes I feel I'm always walking too fast
And everything is coming down on me, down on me
I go crazy
Oh so crazy - living on my own

Dee do de de, dee do de de
I don't have no time for no monkey business
Dee do de de, dee do de de
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, yeah
Got to be some good times ahead

Sometimes I feel nobody gives me no warning
Find my head is always up in the clouds
In a dreamworld
It's not easy - living on my own

Dee do de de, dee do de de
I don't have no time for no monkey business
Dee do de de, dee do de de
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, yeah
Got to be some good times ahead

Dee do de de, dee do de de
I don't have no time for no monkey business
Dee do de de, dee do de de
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, yeah
Got to be some good times ahead





True Faith - New Order

I feel so extraordinary
Somethings got a hold on me
I get this feeling Im in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
I dont care cause Im not there
And I dont care if Im here tomorrow
Again and again Ive taken too much
Of the things that cost you too much
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

When I was a very small boy,
Very small boys talked to me
Now that weve grown up together
Theyre afraid of what they see
Thats the price that we all pay
Our valued destiny comes to nothing
I cant tell you where were going
I guess there was just no way of knowing
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

I feel so extraordinary
Somethings got a hold on me
I get this feeling Im in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
The chances are weve gone too far
You took my time and you took my money
Now I fear youve left me standing
In a world thats so demanding
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

Hibiscus days

The unraveling ended, I had the pleasure of having my daughter sleep over with me couple of days back. Uneasy night as it is the first time she spends the night in this house and surely enough she wanted to play with the dogs at 2 in the morn.

Come morning we played in the sun. My baby girl gets a sweet kick out of running up and down an incline in the garage. There are hibiscus bushes so I taught her how to drink their nectar, she was pleasantly delighted.

Took the bus to her mother's place, she fell asleep on my chest. Cannot help but remember the first time she fell asleep on me, that first day at the hospital. My heart broke a little more when having to leave her sleeping, not really saying goodbye, but it's better than her crying over me leaving.

So tired now. Haven't slept well. Should take a nap. Fedor fights tonigh and I mustn't miss that. I need to buy a proper bed. My neck is killing me.

So.

Lumpy throat
Limpy ways
Wonky coat
Worky days
Little pup
Left behind
Fickle cup
Looping twine

So tired, so tired... so tired.

Weepy eyes
Whiny quips
Sleepy sighs
Briny ships
Oldie twang
Hearty thump
Nasty clang
Snarky hump

So weary, so weary... so weary.

Rheumy bones
Cracky teeth
Oddly tones
Wrappy seethe
Klunky crab
Sightly flee
Handy grab
Nightly free

So...

Soundtrack to my current state of life

So I've exhausted my creative drive and now all I have is the music to hold on to. Shit post from a horrible little butt-plug, but it is the best I can do right now. The first is basically for my daughter, borrowing from the Jim Croce, wherever his spirit inhabits today. All else may as well be trivial.

Time In a Bottle - Jim Croce

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with


The Turn of a Friendly Card pt. 1 & 2 - Alan Parsons

There are unsmiling faces and bright plastic chains
And a wheel in perpetual motion
And they follow the races and pay out the gains
With no show of an outward emotion

And they think it will make their lives easier
For God knows up till now it's been hard
But the game never ends when your whole world depends
On the turn of a friendly card
No the game never ends when your whole world depends
On the turn of a friendly card

There's a sign in the desert that lies to the west
Where you can't tell the night from the sunrise
And not all the king's horses and all the king's men
Have prevented the fall of the unwise

And they think it will make their lives easier
For God knows up till now it's been hard
But the game never ends when your whole world depends
On the turn of a friendly card
No the game never ends when your whole world depends
On the turn of a friendly card

But a pilgrim must follow in search of a shrine
As he enters inside the cathedral...

There are unsmiling faces in fetters and chains
On a wheel in perpetual motion
Who belong to all races and answer all names
With no show of an outward emotion

And they think it will make their lives easier
But the doorway before them is barred
And the game never ends when your whole world depends
On the turn of a friendly card
No the game never ends when your whole world depends
On the turn of a friendly card


Don't Answer Me - Alan Parsons

If you believe in the power of magic,
I can change your mind
And if you need to believe in someone,
Turn and look behind
When we were living in a dream world,
Clouds got in the way
We gave it up in a moment of madness
And threw it all away

Don't answer me, don't break the silence
Don't let me win
Don't answer me, stay on your island
Don't let me in

Run away and hide from everyone
Can you change the things we've said and done?

If you believe in the power of magic,
It's all a fantasy
So if you need to believe in someone,
Just pretend it's me
It ain't enough that we meet as strangers
I can't set you free
So will you turn your back forever on what you mean to me?

Don't answer me, don't break the silence
Don't let me win
Don't answer me, stay on your island
Don't let me in

Run away and hide from everyone
Can you change the things we've said and done?


I Wouldn't Want to be like You - Alan Parsons

If I had a mind to,
I wouldn't want to think like you.
And if I had time to
I wouldn't want to talk to you.

I don't care
What you do,
I wouldn't want to be like you.
I don't care
What you do,
I wouldn't want to be like you.

If I was high class
I wouldn't need a buck to pass.
And if I was a fall guy,
I wouldn't need no alibi...

I don't care
What you do,
I wouldn't want to be like you.
I don't care
What you do,
I wouldn't want to be like you.

Back on the bottom line,
Diggin' for a lousy dime.
If I hit a mother lode,
I'd cover anything that showed.

I don't care
What you do,
I wouldn't want to be like you.
I don't care
What you do...
I wouldn't wanna,
I wouldn't want to be like you.
I wouldn't want to be like you.


Feed the Fire - Ark

I Saw Her Face In A Magazine

She Was There Smiling Back At Me

It Was A Spark To The Fire And I Flew Higher

Her Hair As Black As Coal

Her Eyes We're Slightly Blue

Am I Imagining The Beauty Reflecting



Will She Ever Know My Name

I'm Dreaming

That Someday She'll Be Mine



It's Love That Feeds The Fire

In For Desire I Dive Endlessly

I Can't Stop Believing

Love Will Be There



I Know You're Out There Somewhere

My Dreams Are All About You

Baby We Could Walk Through Fire

Your Power I Desire

Loving From A Distance

Ain't Got No Resistance

Behind Your Made Up Face

Your Secrets Embrace



Will She Ever Know My Name

I'm Dreaming

Someday She'll Be Mine



It's Love That Feeds The Fire

In For Desire I Dive Endlessly

And I Can't Stop Believing

Love Will Be There

Love Will Feed The Fire

In For Desire I Dive Endlessly

I Can't Stop Believing

Love Will Be There.be There Some Day



The Burden is Mine... Alone - Green Carnation

I feel the blood under my skin
like so many times before
this journey got the best of me
and I am sorry I couldn't wait anymore

The burden is mine... alone

I feel the blood under my skin
and I hate every part of me
how could I lose the only thing worth keeping
now I'm sorry I didn't wait for you

The burden is mine... alone


Strange Highways - Dio

It's a crazy world we live in
And I'm leaving it today
For another institution
Where crazy people play
Every time I climbed the mountain
And it turned into a hill
I promised me that I'd move on
And I will.

I, I, good for nothing
Going nowhere, so they say
Hey, someone give me blessings
For they say that I have sinned
That's when I crawl inside myself
And ride into the wind
On Strange Highways
On Strange Highways

Hey you! I want your number
Don't even wonder
We do things our way here
Questions
These are forbidden
We got no answers
Believe us anyway

So here is my confession:
It's the only broken rule
Sometimes I crawl inside of me
Where I can be the fool
On Strange Highways
On Strange Highways

Oh

You can see the other side
And you shall come over
You can't leave the other side
If you say I will

Everytime I climbed the mountain
And it turned into a hill
Well, I promised me
I'd disappear
And now I know I will

So, someone give me blessings
For the times you say I've sinned
So I can crawl inside myself
And ride into the wind
On Strange Highways
On Strange Highways

Questions
They're forbidden
Hey you, what's your number
Oh, we've got no answers
Don't you even wonder

Oh, Strange Highways
Ooh


Pile of Doubt - Green Carnation

I've been badly beaten
But somehow I've stumbled on
And this wonderland you planed for me
Never felt like home
And the more I tried the more I realized

I don't believe in things I cannot see
I've had enough
Don't you understand I'm half the man?
I've said enough
The life I used to live I have left behind
The pile of doubt you had in me
went on to shine I am over
I am gathered, strong unstoppable
[ Find more Lyrics at www.mp3lyrics.org/ZNN ]

You remember how I used to be
You remember a connection so strong
You remember how sweet it was
You remember only you
But the more I tried the more I realized

I don't believe in things I cannot see
I've had enough
Don't you understand I'm half the man?
I've said enough
The life I used to live I have left behind
The pile of doubt you had in me went on to shine

I am over
I am gathered, strong unstoppable

I don't believe in things I cannot see
I've had enough
Don't you understand I'm half the man?
I've said enough
The life I used to live I have left behind
The pile of doubt you had in me went on to shine



Torn - Ark

DO YOU FEEL THE PRESSURE OVERPOWERING
A UNIVERSAL FORCE
ASKING YOU FOR MORE
CUTTING TO THE CORE
AN UNSPEAKABLE SURRENDER

I'M DRIFTING ON A SUMMER WIND
I PRAY TO GOD HERE.I PRAY TO GOD

IN TRANCE FROM THE VERY BEGINNING
DANCING ON A DREAM
ASKING FOR MORE
EYES GETTING SOAR
UNDER THE STARLIGHT

I'M DRIFTING ON A SUMMER WIND
I PRAY TO GOD HERE
THROWN TO THE SUN
NO WARNING CAME
VISIONS OF LIGHT SO CLEAR
BUT I'M TORN

SO MANY PEOPLE FALLING DOWN
FRUSTRATED MASSES CRAWL
THE BLOOD OF THE EARTH
A PLANTED SEED
THE TOLLING OF BELLS REVEALED

I'M DRIFTING ON A SUMMER WIND
I PRAY TO GOD HERE
THROWN TO THE SUN
NO WARNING CAME
VISIONS OF LIGHT SO CLEAR
TORN


Just A Little - Ark

STRANGERS MEETING ON THE SURFACE OF THE EARTH
COMMUNICATING MAKING TRENDS FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH
SACRIFICIAL BLEEDINGS FROM THIS WONDERFUL MACHINE
FRANTICALLY CREATING ARTIFICIAL HUMAN BEINGS

MOVING FASTER AS WE KEEP OUR HOPES UP HIGH
MAYBE SOMEDAY WE WILL KNOW THE REASON WHY
ONLY LOVE CAN BRING US FORWARD

WE WON'T GIVE UP THE FIGHT - WE SHINE SO BRIGHT
'CAUSE WE ARE JUST A LITTLE CRAZY
DANCE UPON THE WORLD - FLY LIKE A BIRD
TOUCH THE SKY AND ONE DAY MAYBE
JUST A LITTLE CRAZY

IN THE TEMPLE OF MISSINFORMATION WE ARE BORN
WARS FOUGHT AND CREATED ALL THE HEROES HAVE COME AND GONE
TRANSCENDING SIGNALS OUTSIDE THIS BIG BALLOON
PLAYING WITH NEEDLES UNDER SHADOWS OF THE MOON

MOVING FASTER AND WE KEEP OUR HOPES UP HIGH
MAYBE SOMEDAY WE WILL KNOW THE REASON WHY
ONLY LOVE CAN BRING US FORWARD
HOLDING HANDS TOGETHER

WE WON'T GIVE UP THE FIGHT - WE SHINE SO BRIGHT
'CAUSE WE ARE JUST A LITTLE CRAZY
DANCE UPON THE WORLD - FLY LIKE A BIRD
TOUCH THE SKY AND ONE DAY MAYBE
JUST A LITTLE CRAZY

DON'T GIVE UP THE FIGHT - YOU SHINE SO BRIGHT
'CAUSE YOU ARE JUST A LITTLE CRAZY
DANCE UPON THE WORLD - FLY LIKE A BIRD
TOUCH THE SKY AND ONE DAY MAYBE
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP HIGH
DON'T GIVE UP THE FIGHT - WE SHINE SO BRIGHT
WE ARE JUST A LITTLE CRAZY
WE WON'T GIVE UP - WON'T GIVE UP - WON'T GIVE UP
JUST A LITTLE CRAZY - JUST A LITTLE


Where the Winds Blow - Ark

NOW I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING BABY
YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO KEEP A GOOD MAN DOWN
I GAVE YOU MY HEART AND SOUL
KEPT YOU WARM WHEN THE NIGHTS WERE COLD
YOU SAY YOU NEED SOME TIME TO THINK IT OVER
BUT I CAN'T WAIT NO MORE
DOWN THAT LONG WINDING ROAD I'LL GO
RUNNING FAST AIN'T LOOKING BACK

FOLLOW A CLEAR BLUE SKY
ON ALL THE DREAMS I'M DEPENDING
UNTIL THE DAY THAT I DIE
I'LL BE WAITING FOR SUNRISE

WHERE THE WINDS BLOW
THAT'S WHERE I GO
DOWN THE RIVER TO THE SEA
LIKE A BLIND MAN
IN A STRANGE LAND
WILL I EVER SEE THE DAY

WILL I EVER SEE THE DAY... WOMAN

I KEEP ON PUSHING HARDER
EVERYDAY THE SONG
REMAINS THE SAME

AND I NEVER SEEM TO LEARN
BET MY HEART ON LOVE
NOW I GOT MEMORIES TO BURN
EVERYWHERE I GO THERE IS A TROUBLE
ALWAYS DOUBLE... BABY
SPEND MY TIME DRINKING TOO MUCH WINE

I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE

FOLLOW A CLEAR BLUE SKY
ON ALL THE DREAMS YOU'RE DEPENDING
UNTIL THE DAY THAT I DIE
I'LL BE WAITING FOR SUNRISE

WHERE THE WINDS BLOW
THAT'S WHERE I GO
DOWN THE RIVER TO THE SEA
LIKE A BLIND MAN
IN A STRANGE LAND
WILL I EVER SEE THE DAY

AND I'M ON THE RUN...

WHERE THE WINDS BLOW...
WHERE THE WINDS BLOW
THAT'S WHERE I GO
WILL I EVER SEE THE DAY
WILL I EVER SEE THE DAY

WILL I EVER SEE THE DAY

I KEEP ON PUSHING HARDER BABY

WHERE THE WINDS BLOW
THAT'S WHERE I GO
DOWN THE RIVER TO THE SEA
LIKE A BLIND MAN
IN A STRANGE LAND
WILL I EVER SEE THE DAY
WHERE THE WINDS BLOW
THAT'S WHERE I GO
DOWN THE RIVER TO THE SEA
LIKE A BLIND MAN
IN A FOREIGN LAND
WILL I EVER SEE


Public Pervert - Interpol

If time is a vessel, then learning to love
Might be my way back to sea
The flying, the medal, the turning above
These are just ways to be seen
We all get paid
Yeah some get faith before they die
But the stars we will navigate
Through the holes in your eyes

How many days will it take to land?
How many ways to reach abandon?
You and I

Oh, so swoon baby starry nights
May our bodies remain
You move with me, I'll treat you right, baby
May our bodies remain

There is love to be made
So just stay here for this while
Perhaps heart strings resuscitate
The fading sounds of your life

How many days will it take to land
How many ways to reach abandon?
Oh, you and I

So swoon baby starry nights
May our bodies remain
As weak we move, I'll feed you light, baby
May our bodies remain
Oh yeah in history, I'll treat you right, baby
I'm honest that way, hey
Swoon baby starry nights
May our bodies remain

Dying

Nightfires burning in the grave
burning, burning, burning
Erstwhile lover venom spits
burning, burning, burning
Lurid evening hints decay
burning, burning, burning

Rising sun to damn the pits
shining, shining, shining
Lighted pyres of the sane
shining, shining, shining
Lighthouse shimmers through the slits
shining, shining, shining

Heart is opening again
bleeding, bleeding,bleeding
Breathing like a new-born child
bleeding, bleeding, bleeding
Ever beating a refrain
bleeding, bleeding, bleeding

Set adrift, the soul grows wild
living, living, living
Loom is spinning gilded thread
living, living, living
Making light with wicked guile
living, living, living

Waxing/Waning

Cycles. That's what life is, summed up, as far as the procedural side of things.

Recent events have woken in me sensitivities I considered long dead. Persons have this effect in times when I expected the emotional landscape to be rather listless. I now stand corrected, a wiser man or perhaps a far bigger fool than I ever thought possible.

It is a joyous thing, this awakening of feelings; no longer numb inside. Alas, in winning, I also lose. I weep for the pain that I am to feel, perhaps in hopes that I would cry all that must be cried afore the coming of the daggers. It is strange. Strange things happen to this strange man. Is anyone surprised?

A winning loser, for knowing of a certain beauty that is beyond one's reach, for knowing that it was once within one's grasp. Into the tower once more, whence I shall look upon the world and those around me wonderingly. So many paths, so many loves, so many sacrifices.

A two-fold theme, in this time of endings. A two-fold song in the time of reawakening. I am open wide... and I have nothing... and in this emptiness I am tempered... I am again.


There is strange sweetness to our sorrows. Some satiating salvo in sadness. Bittersweet is always better. Unattainables that dance just slightly out of reach. The tangible intangible. The ridiculously simple made complex anew.

Perhaps this thing that became my everlasting moment, this little gift of ourselves to ourselves is but a trifle thing, though poignant in my mind and most certainly in my heart. Perhaps it is the test to a safer, saner route for you. Perhaps it proves the other the true. Jester in the court of mocking that I am, offer nothing, promise nothing, never enough. Court fool yet wise enough to know this endeavor would avail me naught, I must cut this from the root, lest affinities develop any further, most dire in light of the exponential growth of those affections cultivated in candleight and darkness gathered.

So, in an ode of sorts to a non-friend, in acknowledgement of what might once have been should circumstances have played out differently, in recognition of the if's, an everlasting moment, I think this song is fitting.

The Everlasting Moment - Green Carnation

A face will tell you stories
Some hands will always seem to care
The fading light that blurs you mind
You stumble on with your given time

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine

You have a thousand reasons
But need only one to justify a cause
No one will ever teach you
The hunger you had slightly out of touch

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine

Hey sister, take them with you
Hey brother, hurt will make you strong
Your tears will turn to laughter
A last look back and then your on

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine

Wisdom of the Havamal

I mentioned, in previous post, that I would take the All-father's wisdom to heart, and in my neatly evinced procrastination I indicated my favorite pearls thereof would be posted here. Well, here's a first: I'm actually following through on a promise!

I would think there's no need to explain what these excerps of the Havamal mean. Those interested in learning more of this wonderful text and scandinavian lore in general can follow the hyperlinks scattered on this here post.


A cowardly man
thinks he will ever live,
if warfare he avoids;
but old age will
give him no peace,
though spears may spare him.

All door-ways,
before going forward,
should be looked to;
for difficult it is to know
where foes may sit
within a dwelling.

Taciturn and prudent,
and in war daring
should a king’s children be;
joyous and liberal
every one should be
until the hour of his death

Liberal and brave men live best,
they seldom cherish sorrow;
but a base-minded man
dreads everything;
the niggardly is uneasy even at gifts.

Hotter than fire
love for five days burns
between false friends;
but is quenched
when the sixth day comes,
and friendship is all impaired.

He should early rise,
who another’s property or life
desires to have.
Seldom a sluggish wolf
gets prey,
or a sleeping man victory.

Much too early
I came to many places,
but too late to others;
the beer was drunk,
or not ready:
the disliked seldom hits the moment.

At eve the day is to be praised,
a woman after she is burnt,
a sword after it is proved,
a maid after she is married,
ice after it has passed away,
beer after it is drunk.

In the wind one should hew wood,
in a breeze row out to sea,
in the dark talk with a lass:
many are the eyes of day.
In a ship voyages are to be made,
but a shield is for protection,
a sword for striking,
but a damsel for a kiss.

In a maiden’s words
no one should place faith,
nor in what a woman says;
for on a turning wheel
have their hearts been formed,
and guile in their breasts been laid;

in a creaking bow,
a burning flame,
a yawning wolf,
a chattering crow,
a grunting swine,
a rootless tree,
a waxing wave,
a boiling kettle,
a flying dart,
a falling billow,
a one night’s ice,
a coiled serpent,
a woman’s bed-talk,
or a broken sword,
a bear’s play,
or a royal child,
a sick calf,
a self-willed thrall,
a flattering prophetess,
a corpse newly slain,
(a serene sky,
a laughing lord,
a barking dog,
and a harlot’s grief);
an early sown field
let no one trust,
nor prematurely in a son:
weather rules the field,
and wit the son,
each of which is doubtful;
a brother’s murderer,
though on the high road met,
a half-burnt house,
an over-swift horse,
(a horse is useless,
if a leg be broken),
no man is so confiding
as to trust any of these.

Such is the love of women,
who falsehood meditate,
as if one drove not rough-shod,
on slippery ice,
a spirited tw0-years old
and unbroken horse;
or as in a raging storm
a helmless ship is beaten;
or as if the halt were set to catch
a reindeer in the thawing fell.

Openly I now speak,
because I both sexes know:
unstable are men’s minds towards women;
‘tis then we speak most fair
when we most falsely think:
that deceives even the cautious

The mind only knows
what lies near the heart,
that alone is conscious of our affections.
No disease is worse
to a sensible man
than not to be content with himself.

That I experienced,
when in the reeds I sat,
awaiting my delight.
Body and soul to me
was that discreet maiden:
nevertheless I posses her not.

Many a fair maiden,
when rightly known,
towards men is fickle:
that I experienced,
when that discreet maiden I
strove to seduce:
contumely of every kind
that wily girl
heaped upon me;
nor of that damsel gained I aught.

113. Of runes I heard discourse,
and of things divine,
nor of graving them were they silent,
nor of sage counsels,
at the High One’s hall.
In the High One’s hall.
I thus heard say:

114. I counsel thee, Loddfafnir,
to take advise:
thou wilt profit if thou takest it.
Rise not a night,
unless to explore,
or art compelled to go out.

115. I counsel thee, Loddfafnir,
to take advice,
thou wilt profit if thou takest it.
In an enchantress’s embrace
thou mayest not sleep,
so that in her arms she clasp thee.

116. She will be the cause
that thou carest not
for Thing or prince’s words;
food thou wilt shun
and human joys;
sorrowful wilt thou go to sleep.

117. I counsel thee, etc.
Another’s wife
entice thou never
to secret converse.

118. I counsel thee, etc.
By fell or firth
if thou have to travel,
provide thee well with food.

119. I counsel thee, etc.
A bad man
let thou never
know thy misfortunes;
for from a bad man
thou never wilt obtain
a return for thy good will.

120. I saw mortally
wound a man
a wicked woman’s words;
a false tongue
caused his death,
and most unrighteously.

121. I counsel thee, etc.
If thou knowest thou has a friend,
whom thou well canst trust,
go oft to visit him;
for with brushwood overgrown,
and with high grass,
is the way that no one treads.

122. I counsel thee, etc. -
A good man attract to thee
in pleasant converse;
and salutary speech learn while thou livest.

123. I counsel thee, etc.
With thy friend
be thou never
first to quarrel.
Care gnaws the heart,
if thou to no one canst
thy whole mind disclose.

124. I counsel thee, etc.
Words thou never
shouldst exchange
with a witless fool;

125. for from an ill-conditioned man
thou wilt never get
a return for good;
but a good man will
bring thee favour
by his praise.

126. There is a mingling of affection,
where one can tell
another all his mind.
Everything is better
than being with the deceitful.
He is not another’s friend
who ever says as he says.

127. I counsel thee, etc.
Even in three words
quarrel not with a worse man:
often the better yields,
when the worse strikes.

128. I counsel thee, etc.
Be not a shoemaker,
nor a shaftmaker,
unless for thyself it be;
for a shoe if ill made,
or a shaft if crooked,
will call down evil on thee.

129. I counsel thee, etc.
Wherever of injury thou knowest,
regard that injury as thy own;
and give to thy foes no peace.

130. I counsel thee, etc.
Rejoiced at evil
be thou never;
but let good give thee pleasure.


131. I counsel thee, etc.
In a battle
look not up,
(like swine
the sons of men become)
that men may not fascinate thee.

132. If thou wilt induce a good woman
to pleasant converse,
thou must promise fair,
and hold to it;
no one turns from good if it can be got.

133. I enjoin thee to be wary,
but not over wary;
at drinking be thou most wary,
and with another’s wife;
and thirdly,
that thieves delude thee not.

134. With insult or derision
treat thou never
a guest or wayfarer,
they often little know,
who sit within,
or what race they are who come.

135. Vices and virtues
the sons of mortals bear
in their breasts mingled;
no one is so good
that no failing attends him,
nor so bad as to be good for nothing.

136. At a hoary speaker
laugh thou never;
often is good that which the aged utter,
oft from a shriveled hide
discreet words issue;
from those whose skin is pendent
and decked with scars,
and who go tottering among the vile.

137. I counsel thee, etc.
Rail not at a guest,
nor from thy gate thrust him;
treat well the indigent;
they will speak well of thee.

138. Strong is the bar
that must be raised
to admit all.
Do thou give a penny,
or they will call down on thee
every ill in thy limbs.

139. I counsel thee, etc.
Wherever thou beer drinkest,
invoke to thee the power of earth;
for earth is good against drink,
fire for distempers,
the oak for constipation,
a corn-ear for sorcery
a hall for domestic strife.
In bitter hates invoke the moon;
the biter for bite-injuries is good;
but runes against calamity;
fluid let earth absorb.



Wise, ancient words, some that should be common sense - in itself an oxymoron for it is anything but common - and others that have been written by other wisemen from other cultures, all testament to their verity.

Faaah!

Ahh, post-relationship clean-up! It is ever so much fun, you know. My day started late, what with some late night hydroponics and disecting of the light-tube and the pretty images espoused therein, I had a deep sleep the kind that veritably renders waking up a herculean task. Woke up with the grogginess of the late sleeper with time enough to shower my 1 year-old daughter, make myself a calorie and protein-rich breakfast shake and go through the watery motions myself. Off to work, where I sit now watching the company's assets on a lackluster day.

Introspection is a privilige and I so love partaking of it. How can growth come otherwise? Necessary though it certainly is, I cannot help but grow weary of this cycle. Somehow, I still have love for the game, for the more primordial part of the rat race, that bases on biology, but it invariably brings with it a plethora of inane processes and conditions which I'd much rather do without.

To wit! What have I learned from the death of this relationship? I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am not fit for the draconian institution of matrimony. I also know myself a lot better for it. Fire tempers good metal, I guess. I think I shall dwell on that a little later and opt instead to vent my disdain and mild frustration regarding the fact that, for all my cynical outlook on life I am still but tender whelp at heart, in a manner of speaking.

I'm going around in circles here!

Easy like Sunday Morning

The start of a new life, so to speak. The first days of the rest of my life. Catch phrases abound when it comes to poignant moments, but there is very little that can truly advise a person when one is standing at a crossroads in life. Whatever could be said has already been said ad nauseam and nothing new can be effectively brought to the table of life. The very nature of life is what makes it impossible to guide or seek guidance for the decisive moments therein, hence we are bound to the subjective view afforded by experience and judgement, tragically impaired though it may be.

I am leaving both a beautiful thing and a horrible state of being. Bitter-sweet melange trumped by the ennervation of triumph. I am free. My head is above water! I am free.


Easy
The Commodores

Know it sounds funny but I just can't stand the pain
Girl, I'm leaving you tomorrow
Seems to me girl you know I've done all I can
You see I begged, stole and I borrowed

Ooh, that's why I'm easy
I'm easy like sunday morning
That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like sunday morning

Why in the world would anybody put chains on me?
I've paid my dues to make it
Everybody wants me to be what they want me to be
And Im not happy when I try to fake it yeah

I wanna be high so high
I wanna be free to know the things I do are right
I wanna be free just me oh baby uh

What I have learned from the past year 2008

I am weak.

Or much weaker than I had hitherto thought. Some things must be done but I cannot but delay these actions, stay my hand, I hesitate for what might be lost to me. Wondering if things are retrievable still, mourning for what surely will be left behind. It is too much for one person to bear and yet it is what all persons do. I am so weak, but where can I draw stength from if I do not find it within myself?

My time is growing short and I am not indestructable.

That last bit some might find funny, but I assure you; I am not kidding. Though we all know at one level or another that we all fallible and fragile, I somehow felt, despite myriad injuries, that I was impervious to most of the illnesses that afflict all men. I now stand corrected. In the past year I've had my first couple of nervous breakdowns, was told I needed to destress or I would surely suffer a stroke or the like, and realized many of my old time annoying medical conditions might be indicative of a greater illness within.


These two things I have learned as the things to correct from my former life. The positive shall be reviewed at a later time.