Something should be ending...

That's what I feel.

Not that I'm contemplating suicide or anything like that but I feel like I'm somehow saying goodbye to things in general and I really don't know what to make of it. A lot of the things I've done out of impulse in the last couple of weeks have been spurred by this strange sensation that I don't have a lot of time... I don't feel like I'm dying, I guess, or that life is passing me by any more than usual, but it certainly feels, well, strange.

Something should be ending, and I don't mean my recently dead marriage or some other allegorical hubris. Something should be ending and I don't quite understand this.

In any case, since I'm such a shit writer these days I have been wallowing in self-indulgent contemplation and have picked a few lyrics from the songs I've been playing the most.

Plowed - Sponge

Will I wake up
Is it a dream I made up
No I guess its reality
What will change us
Or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect
With a dream

Say a prayer for me
Im buried by the sound
In a world of human
Wreckage
Im lost and Im found
And I cant touch the
Ground
Im plowed into the sound

To see wide open
With a head thats broken
Hang a life on a tragedy
Plow me under the ground
That covers the message
That is the seed



Promises Broken - Soul Asylum

Streets are filled with broken glass
You get buried by the past
Give me just a little taste
Lay this mess to waste
Take me home

My mind is racing take me home
My body's aching so alone
Ill make you want to stay with me
Befriended by the enemy
One more time

And every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken just promises broken now

Looking outside from my window sill
Throw another coin in the wishing well
Youll never find what youre looking for
Fifteen miles
Your dim light shines from so far away
Your sad smile
Is all I see when I say

That every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken just promises broken now

From the hotel satellite
Dont look like youre living right
Heres a deal you cant refuse
You aint got as much to lose

Can you tell your troubles to
Someone who wont laugh at you
Its all right
And as I watch you walk away
Hope a part of you would stay
Its all right

And every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken just promises broken now



Somebody to Shove - Soul Asylum

Grandfather watches the grandfather clock
And the phone hasnt rang for so long
And the time flies by like a vulture in the sky
Suddenly he breaks into song

Im waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone
Im waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone

Hello, speak up, is there somebody there?
These hang-ups are getting me down
In a world frozen over with over-exposure
Lets talk it over, lets go out and paint the town

Im waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone

Cause I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me

Youre a dream for insomniacs, prize in the cracker jacks
All the difference in the world is just a call away

And Im waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone
Yes Im waiting by the phone
Im waiting for you to call me up and tell me Im not alone

Cause I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me
Yes I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me


Crowing - Toad the Wet Sprocket


Been waiting
To find
You couldve been happier
Given the time
If hed make up his mind
Youd give yourself to anybody
Who would cross that line

Chorus:
And it was never question
He was crowing for repair
Youd give him love and affection
But you couldnt keep him there

Get over regrets
While you were sleeping with the angels
He was under the bed
And the more skin
That you shed
The more that the air in your throat will linger
When you call him your friend

Chorus

Staring at a cold little hand
Reading fault lines
Of a shell of a man
You were waiting for a word from above
Wouldnt you know it
No answer ever did come

And it was never question
You were crowing for repair
Youd give him love and affection
But you couldnt keep him there


Livin' on my Own - Freddie Mercury

Sometimes I feel I'm gonna break down and cry
Nowhere to go, nothing to do with my time
I get lonely, so lonely, living on my own

Sometimes I feel I'm always walking too fast
And everything is coming down on me, down on me
I go crazy
Oh so crazy - living on my own

Dee do de de, dee do de de
I don't have no time for no monkey business
Dee do de de, dee do de de
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, yeah
Got to be some good times ahead

Sometimes I feel nobody gives me no warning
Find my head is always up in the clouds
In a dreamworld
It's not easy - living on my own

Dee do de de, dee do de de
I don't have no time for no monkey business
Dee do de de, dee do de de
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, yeah
Got to be some good times ahead

Dee do de de, dee do de de
I don't have no time for no monkey business
Dee do de de, dee do de de
I get so lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, yeah
Got to be some good times ahead





True Faith - New Order

I feel so extraordinary
Somethings got a hold on me
I get this feeling Im in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
I dont care cause Im not there
And I dont care if Im here tomorrow
Again and again Ive taken too much
Of the things that cost you too much
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

When I was a very small boy,
Very small boys talked to me
Now that weve grown up together
Theyre afraid of what they see
Thats the price that we all pay
Our valued destiny comes to nothing
I cant tell you where were going
I guess there was just no way of knowing
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

I feel so extraordinary
Somethings got a hold on me
I get this feeling Im in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
The chances are weve gone too far
You took my time and you took my money
Now I fear youve left me standing
In a world thats so demanding
I used to think that the day would never come
Id see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...