Waxing/Waning

Cycles. That's what life is, summed up, as far as the procedural side of things.

Recent events have woken in me sensitivities I considered long dead. Persons have this effect in times when I expected the emotional landscape to be rather listless. I now stand corrected, a wiser man or perhaps a far bigger fool than I ever thought possible.

It is a joyous thing, this awakening of feelings; no longer numb inside. Alas, in winning, I also lose. I weep for the pain that I am to feel, perhaps in hopes that I would cry all that must be cried afore the coming of the daggers. It is strange. Strange things happen to this strange man. Is anyone surprised?

A winning loser, for knowing of a certain beauty that is beyond one's reach, for knowing that it was once within one's grasp. Into the tower once more, whence I shall look upon the world and those around me wonderingly. So many paths, so many loves, so many sacrifices.

A two-fold theme, in this time of endings. A two-fold song in the time of reawakening. I am open wide... and I have nothing... and in this emptiness I am tempered... I am again.


There is strange sweetness to our sorrows. Some satiating salvo in sadness. Bittersweet is always better. Unattainables that dance just slightly out of reach. The tangible intangible. The ridiculously simple made complex anew.

Perhaps this thing that became my everlasting moment, this little gift of ourselves to ourselves is but a trifle thing, though poignant in my mind and most certainly in my heart. Perhaps it is the test to a safer, saner route for you. Perhaps it proves the other the true. Jester in the court of mocking that I am, offer nothing, promise nothing, never enough. Court fool yet wise enough to know this endeavor would avail me naught, I must cut this from the root, lest affinities develop any further, most dire in light of the exponential growth of those affections cultivated in candleight and darkness gathered.

So, in an ode of sorts to a non-friend, in acknowledgement of what might once have been should circumstances have played out differently, in recognition of the if's, an everlasting moment, I think this song is fitting.

The Everlasting Moment - Green Carnation

A face will tell you stories
Some hands will always seem to care
The fading light that blurs you mind
You stumble on with your given time

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine

You have a thousand reasons
But need only one to justify a cause
No one will ever teach you
The hunger you had slightly out of touch

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine

Hey sister, take them with you
Hey brother, hurt will make you strong
Your tears will turn to laughter
A last look back and then your on

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine

She'll kiss the sorrow goodbye
The everlasting moment is divine