Musings...

I've been cavorting all over the place with friends, savoring the joys of the nightlife and reaping the benefits of catering to certain people's tastes in aesthetics. I have done some overindulgence and slept little. I have thoroughly enjoyed myself. I have, also, despite my heavy involvement in the myriad activities of the night, been able to observe and analyze as I am often wont.

I watch the people, the bar and club denizens, the socially alcoholic patrons looking to fill their nights and forget their days, and wonder at how we all live lie upon lie. I am earnestly trying to shed every persona I have created, bringing my self closer to transparency and freeing it of guile.

I see the many who attempt to save face because of fears long obsolete about what people will think of them. I myself have felt the anguish and fear but have managed, over the years, to tame it and let self-assurance be the armor against the judgements of the crowd. Self-assurance and happiness, contentedness, some modicum of inner peace.

Some people try to come off as the better dealt when deals of social interaction are struck in order to maintain certain appearances reigned-in, the far reaching consequences of popular opinion causing much worry in their minds. It is almost comically tragic. I call it cute, the word delivered in a state of pregnancy; nine full months of mordacity-laden intention.

I no longer play those games, though to play the overall game one must resort to certain psychological stratagems such that one might be regarded as conniving, machiavelian even. Knowing that these things have certain effects on people and using them basically as attitude adjustments so that one can get what one seeks.

I wish, with all my soul, that we could do away with all these little fibs.