The nature of love 1.0

Hello boyols and goyols.

Today I've spent a somewhat significant amount of my waking hours musing on my behavior of late, which led me down to how relationships work, into how they grow disfunctional and finally into the nature of jealousy as one of the greatest problems in any era in this, our so-called civilization.

On Relationships.

It's odd and horribly imbalanced, this push and pull, this game of interest and lack thereof, which rules our lives. Human interaction is a difficult ritual in and of itself, but when special interests are created - spawned might be a better word - most become fumbling idiots, men and women, prey to the wiles of the chemistry of our oft maligned brains.

Push and pull. At the root, one of the greatest issues with men and women engaging in romantically inclined interaction is the balance that must be struck as far as shows of interest are concerned. All too often, women find it unappealing when a man shows open interest, viewing it - whether consciously or subconsciously, I do not know - as a sign of weakness. In a world where the sensible rules and the logical is the norm, open shows of interest, unabashed and unhindered by emotional barriers, would be good thing. Only in this bizarre little world of ours is being genuinely interested in someone a show of weakness. God-forbid we ever choose someone because they are honestly interested in us as persons.

It is sad; that we must guard ourselves so and wear these masks, assume these personas, just for the chance to maybe, one day, show our true selves, which might drive the other person away from us in shock at how different we are. A grand hypocrisy, this.

On Jealousy.

I found this piece which, personally, I find to be one of the best written articles on jealousy and its origin. I thought I might be becoming jealous, something worrying given the fact that I am far from a territorial person that way. So I began researching what I could find on that particular behavior. To my great relief, I am not jealous yet, at least not by the accepted definition. I seek not to punish, ever, or to hurt. My intentions are qualified as pure enough. The following excerps I found to be very incisive.

"They many not be able, nor ought they to be expected, to receive the choice of the loved one into the intimacy of their lives, but that does not give either one the right to deny the necessity of the attraction."

"to look upon people who can love more than one person as perverse or abnormal is to be very ignorant indeed."

"With love, in all its variability and changeability, fettered and cramped, it is small wonder if jealousy arises out of it. What else but pettiness, meanness, suspicion, and rancor can come when a man and wife are officially held together with the formula "from now on you are one in body and spirit." Just take any couple tied together in such a manner, dependent upon each other for every thought and feeling, without an outside interest or desire, and ask yourself whether such a relation must not become hateful and unbearable in time."

"The theory that man is a product of conditions has led only to indifference and to a sluggish acquiescence in these conditions."

"Anguish over the loss of love or a nonreciprocated love among people who are capable of high and fine thoughts will never make a person coarse. Those who are sensitive and fine have only to ask themselves whether they can tolerate any obligatory relation, and an emphatic no would be the reply. But most people continue to live near each other although they have long ceased to live with each other---a life fertile enough for the operation of jealousy, whose methods go all the way from opening private correspondence to murder. Compared with such horrors, open adultery seems an act of courage and liberation."

"Each is a small cosmos in himself, engrossed in his own thoughts and ideas. It is glorious and poetic if these two worlds meet in freedom and equality. Even if this lasts but a short time it is already worthwhile"

The full text is here and it is quite enlightening. I greatly recommend it.

The lyric for todays recommended listening are close to my heart on many levels and I find that it aptly describes the first issue I touched upon today, especially the line "If love is blind I think I'll buy myself a cane". I hope my disjointed thought process today has not translated into an altogether unreadable piece of slop.

Locomotive - Guns n Roses

GONNA FIND A WAY TO CURE THIS LONELINESS
YEAH I'LL FIND A WAY TO CURE THIS PAIN
IF I SAID THAT YOU'RE MY FRIEND
AND OUR LOVE WOULD NEVER END
HOW LONG BEFORE I HAD YOUR TRUST AGAIN
I OPENED UP THE DOORS WHEN IT WAS COLD OUTSIDE
HOPIN' THAT YOU'D FIND YOUR OWN WAY IN
BUT HOW CAN I PROTECT YOU
OR TRY NOT TO NEGLECT YOU
WHEN YOU WON'T TAKE THE LOVE I HAVE TO GIVE
I BROUGHT ME AN ILLUSION
AN I PUT IT ON THE WALL
I LET IT FILL MY HEAD WITH DREAMS
AND I HAD TO HAVE THEM ALL
BUT OH THE TASTE IS NEVER SO SWEET
AS WHAT YOU'D BELIEVE IT IS...
WELL I GUESS IT NEVER IS
IT'S THESE PREJUDICED ILLUSIONS
THAT PUMP THE BLOOD
TO THE HEART OF THE BIZ

YOU KNOW THAT I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT IT COULD TAKE SO LONG
YOU KNOW I NEVER KNEW HOW TO BE STRONG
YEAH, I LET YOU SHAPE ME
BUT I FEEL AS THOUGH YOU RAPED ME
'CAUSE YOU CLIMBED INSIDE MY WORLD
AND IN MY SONGS
SO NOW I'VE CLOSED THE DOOR
TO KEEP THE COLD OUTSIDE
SEEMS SOMEHOW I'VE FOUND THE WILL TO LIVE
BUT HOW CAN I FORGET YOU
OR TRY NOT TO REJECT YOU
WHEN WE BOTH KNOW IT TAKES TIME TO FORGIVE

SWEETNESS IS A VIRTUE
AND YOU LOST YOUR VIRTUE LONG AGO
YOU KNOW I'D LIKE TO HURT YOU
BUT MY CONSCIENCE ALWAYS TELLS ME NO
YOU COULD SELL YOUR BODY ON THE STREET
TO ANYONE WHOM YOU MIGHT MEET
WHO'D LOVE TO TRY AND GET INSIDE
AND BUST YOUR INNOCENCE OPEN WIDE

'CAUSE MY BABY'S GOT A LOCOMOTIVE
MY BABY'S GONE OFF THE TRACK
MY BABY'S GOT A LOCOMOTIVE
GOT TA PEEL THE BITCH OFF MY BACK
I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE I'M INSANE
TAKE A CLOSER LOOK I'M NOT TO BLAME
NO

GONNA HAVE SOME FUN WITH MY FRUSTRATION
GONNA WATCH THE BIG SCREEN IN MY HEAD
I'D RATHER TAKE A DETOUR
'CAUSE THIS ROAD AIN'T GETTIN' CLEARER
YOUR TRAIN OF THOUGHT HAS CUT ME OFF AGAIN
BETTER TAME THAT BOY 'CAUSE HE'S A WILD ONE
BETTER TAME THAT BOY FOR HE'S A MAN
SWEETHEART DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH
YOU'S GETTIN' TOO BIG FOR YOUR PANTS
AND I'S THINK MAYBE YOU SHOULD
CUT OUT WHILE YOU CAN
YOU CAN USE YOUR ILLUSION
LET IT TAKE YOU WHERE IT MAY
WE LIVE AND LEARN
AND THEN SOMETIMES IT'S BEST TO WALK AWAY
ME I'M JUST HERE HANGIN' ON
IT'S MY ONLY PLACE TO STAY AT LEAST
FOR NOW ANYWAY
I'VE WORKED TOO HARD FOR MY ILLUSIONS
JUST TO THROW THEM ALL AWAY

I'M TAKING TIME FOR QUIET CONSOLATION
IN PASSING BY THIS LOVE THAT'S PASSED AWAY
I KNOW IT'S NEVER EASY -
SO WHY SHOULD YOU BELIEVE ME
WHEN I'VE ALWAYS GOT SO MANY THINGS TO SAY
CALLING OFF THE DOGS A SIMPLE CHOICE IS MADE
'CAUSE PLAYFUL HEARTS
CAN SOMETIMES BE ENRAGED
YOU KNOW I TRIED TO WAKE YOU -
I MEAN HOW LONG COULD IT TAKE YOU
TO OPEN UP YOUR EYES AND TURN THE PAGE

KINDNESS IS A TREASURE -
AND IT'S ONE TO ME YOU'VE SELDOM SHOWN
SO I'LL SAY IT FOR GOOD MEASURE
TO ALL THE ONES LIKE YOU I'VE KNOWN
YA KNOW I'D LIKE TO SHAVE YOUR HEAD
AND ALL MY FRIENDS COULD PAINT IT RED
'CAUSE LOVE TO ME'S A TWO WAY STREET
AN ALL I REALLY WANT IS PEACE

BUT MY BABY'S GOT A LOCOMOTIVE
MY BABY'S GONE OFF THE TRACK
MY BABY'S GOT A LOCOMOTIVE
GOT TA PEEL THE BITCH OFF MY BACK
I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE I'M INSANE
TAKE A CLOSER LOOK I'M NOT TO BLAME
NO

AFFECTION IS A BLESSING
CAN YOU FIND IT IN YOUR TORRID HEART
I TRIED TO KEEP THIS THING TA-GETHER
BUT THE TREMOR TORE MY PAD APART
YEAH I KNOW IT'S HARD TO FACE
WHEN ALL WE'VE WORKED FOR'S GONE TO WASTE
BUT YOU'RE SUCH A STUPID WOMAN
AND I'M SUCH A STUPID MAN
BUT LOVE LIKE TIME'S GOT IT'S OWN PLANS

'CAUSE MY BABY'S GOT A LOCOMOTIVE
MY BABY'S GONE OFF THE TRACK
MY BABY'S GOT A LOCOMOTIVE
GOT TA PEEL THE BITCH OFF MY BACK
I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE I'M INSANE
TAKE A CLOSER LOOK I'M NOT TO BLAME
YEAH
IF LOVE IS BLIND I GUESS I'LL BUY MYSELF A CANE

LOVE'S SO STRANGE